an emotional day for me..... i really gt no idea on wat am i scare and sad for.... the nite before really could not sleep well at all... whole mind was about him... when i found out tat he went to watch movie with his ex yest my mood just went all the way down.... and aft reading his ex blog i feel even worst..... this is nt the first time i experienced this.... but this time round i really dunno how am i gonna walk out of this... whole day in office at the moment when i was at the desk i started to think about him.... gt a fews times almost wanna cry out but till the end i still need to control myself.... sometimes i really wonder when will i be able to take down the mask which i will need to always wear it to face other ppl.... when can i really show ppl the real me... i really feel tired from all these shits but where is the finishing point for me....

fantasy will still be fantasy if i dun do anything to it at all.... i know wat eric say is the truth.... but i'm just scare of it.... even though i tried told shaowen in regards my feeling to him but this time round i really dun have the courage to do it.... maybe now even if i say it out it will alrdy be too late for me..... i shld really snap out of this and move on.... standing in a circle like this dun do me good anyway....

when i'm ready i shall say goodbye to all these shyt and move on to a new life....