an emotional day for me..... i really gt no idea on wat am i scare and sad for.... the nite before really could not sleep well at all... whole mind was about him... when i found out tat he went to watch movie with his ex yest my mood just went all the way down.... and aft reading his ex blog i feel even worst..... this is nt the first time i experienced this.... but this time round i really dunno how am i gonna walk out of this... whole day in office at the moment when i was at the desk i started to think about him.... gt a fews times almost wanna cry out but till the end i still need to control myself.... sometimes i really wonder when will i be able to take down the mask which i will need to always wear it to face other ppl.... when can i really show ppl the real me... i really feel tired from all these shits but where is the finishing point for me....

fantasy will still be fantasy if i dun do anything to it at all.... i know wat eric say is the truth.... but i'm just scare of it.... even though i tried told shaowen in regards my feeling to him but this time round i really dun have the courage to do it.... maybe now even if i say it out it will alrdy be too late for me..... i shld really snap out of this and move on.... standing in a circle like this dun do me good anyway....

when i'm ready i shall say goodbye to all these shyt and move on to a new life....

yippe.... finally watched transformer last nite... quite nice and exciting and this made me feel like watching it again =P.... but last nite was nt able to sleep well.... nt becos of the exciting transformers but is becos of another stuff.... when i was randomly reading blogs.... all of a sudden i feel like reading his ex blog.... and her last few posst kinda made my day went down..... those posts in fact stated how much she missed him, how much she wnt him to be back with her... and when i see their photo my heart really dun feel gd..... Y? i dunno.... i dunno how come i gt this kind of feelings.... just now when i met him i almost wanna ask him did he read her blog.... but i din cos i'm scared of him reading it.... scared aft he read it he will really go back to her.... kinda evil right.... but i just can't help it.... when we went to have dinner i was walking slowly behind him.... i realised tat i dun mind just watch his back like this..... in fact i enjoyed doing it....

i really had no idea wat was happening to me... this is nt wat i experienced in the past before.... never..... but i know deep in my heart i was scared.... scared of wat i dunno......

it is now tues morning..... as usual still dun have the feel to sleep yet.... din see online nor talk to him thru phone for the past few days.... during tat period of time i still thought i will be able to put it down.... but at sat a call from him just made me realise how much i missed him... moments ago i just received a sms from him telling me he just gt back to town which made me gt so happy instantly.... i know is hard to put this down as easy as i say..... but i just gonna try it or worse come to worst before i gt the courage on telling him i will just keep it in my heart...

last nite gt a present from ah qiang who went Taiwan for hol last week... n get back to sg yest morning.... n the present he gt for me was.... a taiwan kortex...... at the moment he took tat out... all were stunned.... but other than this.... he still bought a condom for alvin. So after seeing these wierd 'stuff' all were kinda stun on him buying these kind of presents back for us from Taiwan... but only after some examine on the presents.... we realise that it was just sweets....

last fri i went to hint him abit.... though the outcome of the hint was ok.... but i just can't bring myself to say out that i like him.... Then on sat he eventually told me tat he gt a crush on another girl which kinda make me sad..... Tat nite he also keep on asking me who is tat guy tat i like... and he also offer his help to help me for it but the thing is the guy who i like is him... and how is he gonna help me with it.... even this morning when i went for jogging... i keep on thinking of him.... which i really dunno wat shld i do with it anymore.....

it has been mths since i last update the blog.... alot of unhappy and happy stuff happened during these period of time..... having some misunderstanding with the friends who i knew them for a yr this really makes me feel sad. On the other hand i also get to know another group of friends but is also at the around the same time i start to know him too....

ever since the last incident, i thought tat i will never ever get myself into this kind of stuff as tat was wat i promised, but here it goes again.

All i can say abt me and him is tat we always gt issue to talk to whether is when we meet each other outside or thru phone. the feelings just came when mths ago i gt some misunderstanding with my friends and he just approach me to talk abt it. To speak the truth i really like being out together with him alone.... even though is just a short half an hr, i'm alrdy happy. He was also the first guy who made me went to buy something for him on his birthday. Any stuff tat related to him i will just really wanna know more, during his low time i really hope tat i was the one tat stand beside him and pull him up.

But i really dunno how long this will last, as i gt the feelings to him but to him i'm maybe just a friend like the others. Sometimes i really wanna just say out but with the thoughts of making this relationship go worst i really dun bear to do it. Haix... i just really so hate this to the core.....