Maybe i'm just nt tat capable as i thought after all.... i'm just nt tat determine after all.... all my effort went down to drain in just a 7hrs outing.... to speak the truth last nite i din expect tat he will turn out.... but when i heard tat he would be attending the dinner i was kinda surprise... and in my heart i'm somehow scare.... when i met him i really felt awkward... i really dunno how shld i to talk to him and on tat moment i was kinda confuse.... i nt sure was it becos i was just thinking too much or wat but i somehow felt tat a wall was there.... between the both of us. Ended up the whole night i dun really dare to look at him....

gosh.... i really had no idea how did i turns out to be this way.... this is really the first time tat i feel like tat... totally different from the past.... during this point of time i really dunno who shld i talk to.... i really dunno y do i still feeling like this after i knew how he feel towards me....

i really dunno how shld i move on from this.... but there's one thing for sure tat is my life is in a serious mess....

Days ago i received a sms from him and it kinda shocked me. I nt sure wat did tat person said to him or did tat person asked him to visit my blog... but it doesn't matter anyway. Letting go of something is all along i trying to do it... whether is it letting go of memories? letting go of heart? letting go of emotion? i just hope that i will be able to do all these... But now i should eventually think how should i face him next time when i see him.... well it will be awkward but i just hope that things between us can be as usual... I'm just gonna cross my fingers and pray hard =x

no matter how things turn to be.... i will never regret of what i had done.... to other people what i was doing in the past might be stupid but this is what i am.... i'm just a foolish person who will always get close to stuff which will hurts me....

i hope that this will be the last post which will be related to him.

it had been wks since i last update my blog.... during these few weeks i was trying hard to sort out my thoughts and feelings. During the days of knowing he patched up with his ex really made my life hard. Every minute i was thinking about him, and my heart was crying but i need to hold my tears back. Recently i also over heard some rumours between me, qiang and him. From what i heard was that there are people mistook i and qiang were together, which is totally ridiculous and i got no idea how did this started to spread. On the other side i heard that he was quite unhappy when he heard this rumor which i dunno why he will feel it that way. Till now this is still a mystery to me but even if i really gonna find out about this, things won't change anyway.

Last wk caught with a flu which lead to me unable to enjoy the chalet fully... but i still somehow enjoyed it and i was also able to see a cosplay event over there. Nice cosplay were seen over there but some of it were really wierd... but it was a good effort by them as they dare to wear tat out which i think not all will be able to do it.

Oh well just hope tat i can really get over with all these and look forward to the rest of 2009.

(but i still somehow think tat it will be impossible. as long as nothing worst than wat i'm going thru now happen, i shld be glad alrdy.)

I dunno how to describe the feelings in my heart now.... knowing tat currently he is now together with his ex all i can say now i am feeling tat my heart really pains.... a guy who was in front of me but i did not able to grab hold on him...and also becos of i scare ended up i lost him... to speak the truth i now really dunno how shld i face this... only when i'm with friends i will then forget abt him.... when i'm at home all my sadness just pour out.... deep inside my heart i'm crying but i'm unable to shed a tears in front of anyone...

The memories of him just keep on flashing, our first meeting, funny stuffs which happened, choosing birthday present for him, when we facing low times, tat time when he encountered with an accident.... all these just never ending keep on playing in my mind.... how am i gonna get him out from my mind i dunno.... i also dun wanna think..... i'm just tired of these now i still gt more to stuff to face.... 2009 is just ain't my year... now is only july but there are another 5 more months to go.... hope for the rest of the 5 months just let me get over with this peacefully.... i really sick n tired for another wave to go....