at this moment i can alrdy see wat will my future be.... not my working life... but my family life instead.... black is all i can see... a separated one is all i can see... in fact now the family tat i have is alrdy starting to be separated... it is just a matter of time for it to happen. In fact i shld alrdy get used to this as this always happened... ever since last yr.... last yr i was really got scare of this... seeing them quarrelling it made my heart pains, seeing them shouting at each other i feel so hopeless and dunno wat to do... hearing them abt bearing with this kind of relationship becos of him, it hurted me more...

HIM is all they care and worry for... i'm just nth to them... they dun care abt me... i'm always an outcast... seeing them or even seeing my relatives, i feel more outcast and as if i dun belong here at all.... what is there left for me to the future... who will still be there for me... in fact when i was in hong kong back then i shld have ask for the future of my family... so i can have a mental preparation of wat to do if that really happen...

Two and a half mth to go... where is that person who will be there for me, care for me? maybe there was just no one there outside for me... i'm just all by myself... all i had was my studies... the stressful studies, my vitual world in game.... this is all i have for now...

wat i can do now... is just to stay numb... and just care for myself and act as if i know nth.... just be the 'nice' one which they always saw in the past... the current me.... is just a dark and evil one who would not care anything abt my family.... all i care is myself.... whether they still care for me or not.... is none of my business.....