crystal day

2010-07-12T23:59:00.002+08:00

if for the nxt 20-30 yrs time... i'm gonna live with a fake mask... and with no respect... i will rather choose to end this... i'm currently living in a world... where no one wanted to understand me... care what i really wnt or even respect me. 23 yrs of life.... seems to be so long for me.... if u ask me is there any happy memories i can recall... i afraid nt... all i remember were i'm being left out... being control... or even having my respect being stepped on the floor by others... it is not as if i din try to get it... with each hope i try to get.... but they just disappeared... whether it is in studies, social life, family, work life... i'm just a failure in all...

even when i'm with a grp of my friends... i still feel the loneliness... it's like i'm just an extra over there... or maybe i am after all.... no matter how much i try... in the end it still the same... no one will bother to care wat i think or even wat i wnt... all i can see in front of the path is all darkness... maybe tat's the sign of my life coming to an end..

2010-04-07T01:02:00.000+08:00

how long has it been since i last met him... 3 wks? or a mth plus? I can't really remember tat much... sometimes when i'm outside at street... i will tend to see someone whose looks like him but in the end it's not him. When I pass by places where I and him were at there some time ago, I will just think about those stuffs happened and jokes we said when we were there.

The happy memories between the both of us ended after that gathering but no matter how much memories between I and him there were in my heart but there were still some distance between us... our interest and life are just totally different from each other. Maybe it is hard to find someone who had the same interest and total same frequency as me but to find someone who really can understand me is a mission impossible. No matter how much i try to portrait my self in front of him, in the end it is just not the real me. It's me wearing a mask. Maybe i'm just not confident enough to let him see the real me or rather that i'm too use to face people with a mask. Every disappointment i get when knowing i won't be able to see him, the inferior feelings i had, what do i still expect anyway.

just attended Ashar's wedding and kinda happy for him able to have such a sweet wife who always support him and accompany him when he is rushing for projects and in the low while doing projects. He is the first classmate that i know who got married and attending his wedding... made we as his classmate abit hard to imagine a few yrs down later we will be getting married too... but that will be a long long way road down. Most of my class were current still having studies in university and it won't be fast for them to settle down. those who already started working are consider one step closer to it.... but its lack of the right timing for that one to appear. no matter what kind of plan that each made for their future, there will be some factor that will change it. No one will ever knows what kind of a factor would that be. it maybe a good but it maybe be a bad too.

But ain't this is how life work? No matter how much bad stuff or good stuff happened... we still had to carry on living... it is just how we gonna see this. Whereas for him... will try to get myself wake up from it and believe that stuff will work out in someway.....

2010-02-28T12:21:00.002+08:00

我以為我的守护能留你在我身边

我以為我的付出你总有一天你会了解

我以為我们的时光会一直继续下去

也許我太過天真以為奇蹟會發生

当我知道你们在一起时我以为我可以当作没事发生

我以为在我看着你们在一起时我不会哭或感到心痛

我以为我们还可以做朋友可是我的心却一直在流泪

毕业了这对我来说是新的生活新的开始

我在心里默默祝福着你和她希望你会一直这样开心

希望她可以代我守护着你能留在你身边

过了几年我以为我可以忘记你但是我错了

你的一张照片你的消息让我发现我还在乎你

当你再次出现在我面前我以为我不会再对你有任何感觉但是我错了

在我知道你已经和她分手了我无法忽视你那伤心的表情

因为你的伤心也变成我的伤心

在我回到以前一样地安慰着你我发现在你的生命里还有一个在默默支持着你的她

看着你们一起我才发现应该在你身边默默支持着你的人

不是我而是她

这些年来我和你的距离越来越远

我以为我可以弥补这个距离但是我错了

如果当年我没有从你的生活里退出说不定那个人就是我

但是事情已发生了谁也无法改变

我只能做的也就像那年我退出你的生活是一样

在心里默默祝福着你和她希望你会一直这样开心

我也希望在我下次见到你时我可以真正的放下那个感情

希望到时我也可以找到那个会一直在我身边默默的支持者我的‘他’

2009-12-07T10:34:00.002+08:00

round and round i go again.... gt myself trap in the same situation again.... how did i trap into this i dunno..... but somehow i feel tat some things around me had changed... but i dunno what it was.... maybe is just me thinking too much... especially so many stuff happened during the last 2 mths... make me unable to think well.... but no matter what it is i'm just gonna remind myself the lesson which i learnt mths ago... nv ever gonna step into it unless i'm really ready for it.... remain at the current situation will be the best

2009-11-24T21:26:00.003+08:00

it had been wks since i last update my blog... reasons due to busy with new job and also too tired from the outing with iris and the gang. 2 wks ago just went to the chalet at hangout @ emily with iris and gang... that place is more like a hotel then chalet to us cos no bbq pit and is at city area. i can say tat was a fun chalet.... at nite playing texas poker and having a small drinkin session.... but we almost forgot abt xinru who is a very gd drinker in our grp..... the vodka she pour was half of our cup... even with mixture we still taste the vodka taste... and i can say tat was the first time tat i felt the giddy aft 2 cup whereas for thomas he semi-ko aft 3 cups and.... nt forgetting abt him start having wierd behaviour, sudden laughter and farting.....

on the second nite.... i can say i really done for it.... 3 cups of pure martel, chivas with a small portion of chrysthanthemum tea which neutralise it abit and they alrdy made me puke out the chicken rice dinner and even gastic juice..... tat nite 3 rounds of puking was a hell to me... not becos of the puking... but the journey to the washroom really made me feel in hell.... with me unable to walk straight.... head spinning and the room toilet was in used.... that left with the ground lvl toilet for me to use.... 3 times running up and down.... and i even still puked at the bin just beside the life.... but i think thomas was nowhere better....

he was then serious drunk where he start the caterpillar, teletubbies, coffin and the translucent girl thing in the room.... but during the 2 hrs of settling him.... qiang, iris, simon and bon really had a tough time on doing so as thomas just unable to settle down.... and the stuff he did during the chalet really made us unforgettable...

Last fri went to meet them at coffee nation... and to my surprise he came too.... but at least now i know that i really stepped out of this entirely.... nv see him for a mth... feelings are back to friends again.... nt as bad as i thought.... well now is alrdy the end of nov... going to be dec and 2010 is here! time really flies... just hope tat nxt yr will be a gd yr for me

2009-10-18T23:53:00.002+08:00

sometimes i really wonder am i really too tom boy.... am i ugly.... am i really tat simple minded... and some other questions just stuck in my brain for so long and till now i really dunno where to go find the answer for it.... just now aft having the dinner at Ma mansion, I, iris, simon n thomas went to coffee nation... and out from nowhere a question of who is my Mr 'U' is appear again.... i dun remember since when they started to ask me this question.... but i only remember this happened when i just type this out in evony while i was listening to the song 'nobody'.

No matter who they guessed is the Mr 'U' is... i only can say is tat the 'U' is just still somewhere out there.... currently i'm just nt ready for any relationship yet.... at least for these two question i know the answer for it.... cos i'm still afraid of it.... as just now at coffee nation i can say my brain is really in a mess.... Why.... becos he came.... When i heard tat he was here i was surprised... Why... i dunno... but deep in my heart i know that i really place tat down.... just gt no idea how come i would have tat kind of thinking.... i just realised tat i dun mind talking to him via sms/msn but if want me talk to him face to face.... i'm alittle scare..... wierd right....

really dunno how to solve this.... months alrdy and yet i still have these kind of wierd action.... where is my determination of going back to the me before this happened.... am i really just gonna continue with this or i'm just gonna try harder to maintain the determination get these wierd action out.....

2009-10-05T14:25:00.003+08:00

Today is the last day of my working at my current company.... i really wanna say thanks to all the colleagues who i worked with... they really teached me lots of stuff and I enjoyed working with them.....1.5yrs of happy and frustrated times in this company.... oh well this is just a part of my working experience anyway.... there might be some 舍不得 feeling... but for my life and future i had to move on....

tmr shall be the starting of my rotting days! time to slack n relax n recharge my energy before i start to work again.... at least hope that can really sort out my thoughts ba... but first thing is to really kick the habit of thinking about him.... almost 2 mths but i still can't help myself to think of him from time to time... i'm always curious how he is doing with he and his gf.... even when i msn him i always feel like asking abt how he and gf doing..... words are in my mouth or rather in my hand... but i just can't ask it out to him.... thoughts and questions abt him just keep on stacking up.... up till a height where i almost unable to reach for it....

i'm now left with 7 days plus to get rid of these thoughts and questions.... how am i gonna do it... i do not have an idea.... but i just hope that before i'm done with these.... another one please dun come first.... friends friends friends.... this is what i shld always remind myself before same mistake occurs again....

getting sleepy.... time for me to sign off here.... and shall resume my daily update on the blog....

2009-09-26T01:52:00.002+08:00

"Do you need a reason to like a person...." i think this question will appear in everyone's heart.... wonder y will they like a person.... and wat is the reason for you to put in ur heart in the relationship... just now at TCC when Bon ask me why do i like him.... and i just ans Bon that i just like him... no reason no anything....

No matter whether he know or not... it doesn't matter anyway.... i cannot control who he wanna be together with.... as long as he know what he is doing and he is happy about it... i'm will be fine with it.... days ago when i sms him.... seems to be ok .... at least it was like in the past before all these happened.... perhaps we are just suitable to be friends only..... right now just wanna focus on finding the new job right before 14 oct....

Last wk... i tendered my resignation letter... aft working at this current company for 1.5 yrs.... till the end i still gonna leave this company... tons of reasons behind the reason of me resign.... but mostly is becos of the pay wise.... base on my current pay in the company... i can just find a part time job and work with it in relax.... no need to endure with all these piles of nv ending work and taking advantage of.... right now i still gt my poly loans need to pay.... with my this pathetic pay... it was kinda hard for me to survive.... dunno how on earth did i survive with it for 7mths.... during that period of time i was still playing ge... spending on at least 2 gvc per mth.... and spending game time at adrian's shop... for now with me going out to relax... drink... this pay is rather tough for me....

at least with these activities i will feel somehow better than i spent my money on the game which is way too expensive to play with.... at least now my current life is so much more enjoyable.... hanging out with friends aft work.... chit chat... searching for place to chill.... these seems to be more fun....

at most 3am... gotta go sleep early.... as tmr still need to go to marina barriage....

2009-09-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

today is the last day of my long wkend.... hmm in fact quite enjoyed it.... tat fri went out with dwayne.... chat quite alot of stuff and bought myself a new pair of slipper..... but thx to tat slipper... i slipped and sprain my ankle on the nxt day when i was going to meet bon n the grp for dinner right after the gca....

At the GCA, i witness the auction of the elns made by the iah. To my surprise that the price for +7 eln musk and scout are the same while the +7 clean eln fyter almost reach 1.5k for it.... but no matter wat it is to we gamers this is still a form of RMT which they ban gamers from doing it.... even though they say is different as they are doing this for the charity but till the end it is still RMT... no difference anyway.....

After the long waiting for bon.... we decided to go to the streets cafe there to have our dinner.... and we were quite obsess with tat century egg... and the fried chicken with the dried chilli.... and it turned out that... our dinner at there become $192 bucks in total.... aft tat we decided to change our place for drinking from the one Rochester to Loof~

that day on my birthday actually wanna go there but too bad the reservation for it are full.... so from tat day onward i was so eager to go there to have a try.... but it turns out.... the only nice abt tat place is the view.... drinking at a place and able to see the night scenery of the city... it is nt bad.... but the price for the drinks is killing us.... a bottle of chivas with to mixer is 252 bucks with gst.... n tat's 50 bucks per person.... and that place dun allow poker cards.... have drinks but no poker cards... is bored.... ended up no choice but to finish it fast and go have beancurd for supper....

in the end.... thomas drank the most.... and gt a little drunk..... on the way to rochor.... we decided to buy some water and sweet to make us awake (pat and me were also slightly drunk) for no reason we make a fool of ourselves at there.... and through out the journey to there me, thomas and pat have been laughing like hell for nothing.... which made qiang and bon left us at the back slowly walk and laughing....

just when we reached the beancurd place me pat and thomas were quite worn out aft laughing n walking to the place.... while we were eating and chatting... thomas did smth which is quite funny.... and some of the ppl in anything had saw tat from the facebook which i upload....

on yest.... bon initially wanna go to ECP for cycling but due to me having injured leg.... i was not able to go... so plan changed to meet at vivo for dinner n chatting.... aft waiting for 1hr.... all finally reach... and decided to go meet iris and ziz at keppel, marina there to decide where to have our dinner.... when i reached keppel, marina all i can say abt tat place is tat, tat place is nice... and those yacht... if i had the money i will wish to buy one too and i can just sail it to the sea during the wkend.... but that will be a very very far dream for me anyway....

aft some discussion.... we decided to go have our dinner at jumbo and after tat.... drinking session again! To our surprise.... our dinner turns out to be another $192 again.... but this $192 is worth as the prawns are nt bad except for tat yam paste which the taste is like the soup of the day.... last nite drinking we went to the pub which thomas suggested.... and tat place's drink was so much cheaper than loof.... the chivas turns out to be only 28 per pax with free flow of mixer, tiger beer tower is only 55 bucks, free flow of tibits and nt forgetting gt live broadcast of football matches and still can sing K..... this time round we can play the poker cards and can drink more happily... Last nite's drinking session was also the first drinking session which i really semi-KO and puke =X

during the dice game... i lost 2-4 times and 2 cups with only chivas n tiger beer which really make me instant Ko and went to toilet to puke twice.... all the dinner which i ate hours ago were also puke out.... felt much better... but made a mess of myself.... =(
but at least i was still awake... still able to walk straight.... just tat brain is dead.... unable to think well.... aft the drinking session we went for supper and i felt so much better aft having it.... and more sober too....

2 nites of drinking.... i more or less will be worry how am i gonna make a safety reach for myself at home without being caught by my mum.... but turned out that both nite my mum was alrdy too tired and slept soundly in her room....

last nite when i was drunk.... i initially wanna cry out but i was unable.... my brain was in a mess and the only thought i gt is... i just wanna release all the stress n pain i gt.... i wanna sing.... i wanna shout.... during the period of time when my brain was dead... i only think of 2 song.... one is PS 我爱你 and the other one is 北极圈.

For PS 我爱你, the only lyrics i remember is:

有些人值得等候，有些悲伤值得忍受.
我爱你不是冲动，生命尽头放着一场空

to speak the truth... this lyrics really made me thought of it but i dunno who is really worth for me to wait and which pain is really worth for me to bear with it.... the second sentence somehow reminds me.... abt the mths ago incident.... but i nv regret of the stuff i done....

the lyrics which i will always remember for 北极圈is:

把爱留在街角就当你永远不会看到
记忆化作极光出现那一秒
我开始微笑以后会努力过得很好

this is what i wanna do.... for the mths ago incident.... now i just wanna try to live fully to everyday it is....

tmr shall be the day when i start to seek for more new opportunities... wish me luck for it ba....

2009-09-14T00:17:00.002+08:00

alrdy mid sep... time really fly fast..... but at least during this 1 mth... i had at least move on from some stuff.... but some stuff it is just hard for me to change it.... dunno y whenever i see a person who smoked.... i will think of him instantly.... i'm nt sure whether is that his images in my heart or wat..... but some stuff can just link it to him for no reason.... there is only one thing for sure that between me and him we can only be friends....

"holding onto smth which does not belongs to me will not make me happy anyway..... let it go and watches it found their happiness.... this will then be the thing which will make me happy...."

this is the sentence which i always told myself.... and this is also a reminder to myself.... aft tmr hope all the stuff will turns better.... at least i can say tat will be the beginning of a change to my life....

2009-08-23T23:50:00.003+08:00

finally wake up from all this..... maybe is only last nite i really can let this go... completely....
aft marlene's bday party... went to meet them at coffee nation for coffee.... but this time round sitting beside really make me feel wierd right after last wk's incident....

but maybe this way it really made me face this properly.... letting go of this really make me feel relieve.... but on the other hand i kinda worry that this tension will still be there or maybe not.... maybe i really need to find some time to talk this out to him but.... i really dunno how to say it out.... arrr dunno la... see how it goes... maybe days later i will then know how to make it clear to him?

let's just hope that i will be able to find the one soon..... and hope this will really give me a reminder of the lesson i had...n be friends like in the past..."

2009-08-16T15:05:00.002+08:00

sometimes i really hate myself.... every time when i had the determination to do something but in the end i failed to do so.... Just like days ago when i was so confident that i already done so... but last night i realised that i'm not...

Last night after dinner we were still thinking where to go to chill as it was still quite early for us... so just when we were thinking of places to go to.... He popped out.... Same thing happened again and again.... all my hard work somehow seems to fail.... the only thing i can say to myself was.... let's take this as a test to me... But when i reached home last night the final result of it was.... I failed....

When we were at coffee nation... i know something happened in the group when i went to washroom... deep in my heart i wanna know what was it about... but my mind was asking me not to ask.... cause i know even if i asked... it will still not the thing which i wanted it to happen 2 month ago.... i would rather remain as it is....

aft we left coffee nation... we still wanna go to some place to chill more so we went to marina barrage... the view at there was nice.... night time with the building having their lights on.... and it would be better if there was some wind.... but last night there was no wind and it was rather humid for us... even so... marina barrage is now the another place for us to chill....

if only human brain is like a computer.... able to choose to delete files which you want.... and i think i will be happier....

(when i was writing this blog.... i felt the earthquake.... but at first i still thought i was having a headache... but moments later... started to see friends who stay near me saying they felt the earthquake..... looks like the mother nature is really very angry from the typhoon just days ago... then now earthquake.... does this means that the world is going to its end soon?

think this question will be a tough one which no one will be able to have an exact answer for it....)

2009-08-15T00:19:00.002+08:00

long time nv feel so gd.... questions which troubled me wks ago had alrdy slowly solved.... maybe is becos tat i didn't see him for 3 wks... or maybe i really put it down already.... but all these i will never really know till i see him again.... i really hope i'm not just deceving myself and my friends when i told them tat i really place it down already....

just pray tat my small birthday wish will really comes true and bring me out from this completely.... Last fri aft the birthday dinner with huixin n gang at tanglin mall, we went to ion for awhile.... and aft tat we went back home from there.... on the way to the bus stop i actually saw shaowen when the last time i saw him was around 3 yrs ago.... In the past i was so keen on seeing him again but yrs had passed... and already let go of tat long time ago.... meeting him at this kind of situation is kinda wierd to me as he is my old classmate but i dunno whether he remembered you or not.... and is only aft tat i realise how god can actually play trick on you...

When you are so keen to get this thing... the god will never let you have it.... however at the time when you decided to give up on it... the god will let you have the chance to have it... Cherish is what we need to learn.... Learn to cherish the thing that we had in life.... dun wait till when we lost it then we start to regret why we did not cherish it when we had a chance.... by the time we had lost it, it will be already too late for us to go back.... Sometime when we cherish a thing.... we will lost another one in return... either way no one can be in a situation where they can always get wat they wnt.... in human.... no one is perfect... or i should say there is nth in life tat is perfect....

2009-07-26T20:11:00.002+08:00

Maybe i'm just nt tat capable as i thought after all.... i'm just nt tat determine after all.... all my effort went down to drain in just a 7hrs outing.... to speak the truth last nite i din expect tat he will turn out.... but when i heard tat he would be attending the dinner i was kinda surprise... and in my heart i'm somehow scare.... when i met him i really felt awkward... i really dunno how shld i to talk to him and on tat moment i was kinda confuse.... i nt sure was it becos i was just thinking too much or wat but i somehow felt tat a wall was there.... between the both of us. Ended up the whole night i dun really dare to look at him....

gosh.... i really had no idea how did i turns out to be this way.... this is really the first time tat i feel like tat... totally different from the past.... during this point of time i really dunno who shld i talk to.... i really dunno y do i still feeling like this after i knew how he feel towards me....

i really dunno how shld i move on from this.... but there's one thing for sure tat is my life is in a serious mess....

2009-07-22T21:06:00.002+08:00

Days ago i received a sms from him and it kinda shocked me. I nt sure wat did tat person said to him or did tat person asked him to visit my blog... but it doesn't matter anyway. Letting go of something is all along i trying to do it... whether is it letting go of memories? letting go of heart? letting go of emotion? i just hope that i will be able to do all these... But now i should eventually think how should i face him next time when i see him.... well it will be awkward but i just hope that things between us can be as usual... I'm just gonna cross my fingers and pray hard =x

no matter how things turn to be.... i will never regret of what i had done.... to other people what i was doing in the past might be stupid but this is what i am.... i'm just a foolish person who will always get close to stuff which will hurts me....

i hope that this will be the last post which will be related to him.

2009-07-16T20:17:00.002+08:00

it had been wks since i last update my blog.... during these few weeks i was trying hard to sort out my thoughts and feelings. During the days of knowing he patched up with his ex really made my life hard. Every minute i was thinking about him, and my heart was crying but i need to hold my tears back. Recently i also over heard some rumours between me, qiang and him. From what i heard was that there are people mistook i and qiang were together, which is totally ridiculous and i got no idea how did this started to spread. On the other side i heard that he was quite unhappy when he heard this rumor which i dunno why he will feel it that way. Till now this is still a mystery to me but even if i really gonna find out about this, things won't change anyway.

Last wk caught with a flu which lead to me unable to enjoy the chalet fully... but i still somehow enjoyed it and i was also able to see a cosplay event over there. Nice cosplay were seen over there but some of it were really wierd... but it was a good effort by them as they dare to wear tat out which i think not all will be able to do it.

Oh well just hope tat i can really get over with all these and look forward to the rest of 2009.

(but i still somehow think tat it will be impossible. as long as nothing worst than wat i'm going thru now happen, i shld be glad alrdy.)

2009-07-02T09:25:00.001+08:00

I dunno how to describe the feelings in my heart now.... knowing tat currently he is now together with his ex all i can say now i am feeling tat my heart really pains.... a guy who was in front of me but i did not able to grab hold on him...and also becos of i scare ended up i lost him... to speak the truth i now really dunno how shld i face this... only when i'm with friends i will then forget abt him.... when i'm at home all my sadness just pour out.... deep inside my heart i'm crying but i'm unable to shed a tears in front of anyone...

The memories of him just keep on flashing, our first meeting, funny stuffs which happened, choosing birthday present for him, when we facing low times, tat time when he encountered with an accident.... all these just never ending keep on playing in my mind.... how am i gonna get him out from my mind i dunno.... i also dun wanna think..... i'm just tired of these now i still gt more to stuff to face.... 2009 is just ain't my year... now is only july but there are another 5 more months to go.... hope for the rest of the 5 months just let me get over with this peacefully.... i really sick n tired for another wave to go....

2009-06-29T23:59:00.002+08:00

an emotional day for me..... i really gt no idea on wat am i scare and sad for.... the nite before really could not sleep well at all... whole mind was about him... when i found out tat he went to watch movie with his ex yest my mood just went all the way down.... and aft reading his ex blog i feel even worst..... this is nt the first time i experienced this.... but this time round i really dunno how am i gonna walk out of this... whole day in office at the moment when i was at the desk i started to think about him.... gt a fews times almost wanna cry out but till the end i still need to control myself.... sometimes i really wonder when will i be able to take down the mask which i will need to always wear it to face other ppl.... when can i really show ppl the real me... i really feel tired from all these shits but where is the finishing point for me....

fantasy will still be fantasy if i dun do anything to it at all.... i know wat eric say is the truth.... but i'm just scare of it.... even though i tried told shaowen in regards my feeling to him but this time round i really dun have the courage to do it.... maybe now even if i say it out it will alrdy be too late for me..... i shld really snap out of this and move on.... standing in a circle like this dun do me good anyway....

when i'm ready i shall say goodbye to all these shyt and move on to a new life....

2009-06-28T11:05:00.001+08:00

yippe.... finally watched transformer last nite... quite nice and exciting and this made me feel like watching it again =P.... but last nite was nt able to sleep well.... nt becos of the exciting transformers but is becos of another stuff.... when i was randomly reading blogs.... all of a sudden i feel like reading his ex blog.... and her last few posst kinda made my day went down..... those posts in fact stated how much she missed him, how much she wnt him to be back with her... and when i see their photo my heart really dun feel gd..... Y? i dunno.... i dunno how come i gt this kind of feelings.... just now when i met him i almost wanna ask him did he read her blog.... but i din cos i'm scared of him reading it.... scared aft he read it he will really go back to her.... kinda evil right.... but i just can't help it.... when we went to have dinner i was walking slowly behind him.... i realised tat i dun mind just watch his back like this..... in fact i enjoyed doing it....

i really had no idea wat was happening to me... this is nt wat i experienced in the past before.... never..... but i know deep in my heart i was scared.... scared of wat i dunno......

2009-06-23T00:18:00.003+08:00

it is now tues morning..... as usual still dun have the feel to sleep yet.... din see online nor talk to him thru phone for the past few days.... during tat period of time i still thought i will be able to put it down.... but at sat a call from him just made me realise how much i missed him... moments ago i just received a sms from him telling me he just gt back to town which made me gt so happy instantly.... i know is hard to put this down as easy as i say..... but i just gonna try it or worse come to worst before i gt the courage on telling him i will just keep it in my heart...

2009-06-15T09:20:00.002+08:00

last nite gt a present from ah qiang who went Taiwan for hol last week... n get back to sg yest morning.... n the present he gt for me was.... a taiwan kortex...... at the moment he took tat out... all were stunned.... but other than this.... he still bought a condom for alvin. So after seeing these wierd 'stuff' all were kinda stun on him buying these kind of presents back for us from Taiwan... but only after some examine on the presents.... we realise that it was just sweets....

last fri i went to hint him abit.... though the outcome of the hint was ok.... but i just can't bring myself to say out that i like him.... Then on sat he eventually told me tat he gt a crush on another girl which kinda make me sad..... Tat nite he also keep on asking me who is tat guy tat i like... and he also offer his help to help me for it but the thing is the guy who i like is him... and how is he gonna help me with it.... even this morning when i went for jogging... i keep on thinking of him.... which i really dunno wat shld i do with it anymore.....

2009-06-06T17:10:00.004+08:00

it has been mths since i last update the blog.... alot of unhappy and happy stuff happened during these period of time..... having some misunderstanding with the friends who i knew them for a yr this really makes me feel sad. On the other hand i also get to know another group of friends but is also at the around the same time i start to know him too....

ever since the last incident, i thought tat i will never ever get myself into this kind of stuff as tat was wat i promised, but here it goes again.

All i can say abt me and him is tat we always gt issue to talk to whether is when we meet each other outside or thru phone. the feelings just came when mths ago i gt some misunderstanding with my friends and he just approach me to talk abt it. To speak the truth i really like being out together with him alone.... even though is just a short half an hr, i'm alrdy happy. He was also the first guy who made me went to buy something for him on his birthday. Any stuff tat related to him i will just really wanna know more, during his low time i really hope tat i was the one tat stand beside him and pull him up.

But i really dunno how long this will last, as i gt the feelings to him but to him i'm maybe just a friend like the others. Sometimes i really wanna just say out but with the thoughts of making this relationship go worst i really dun bear to do it. Haix... i just really so hate this to the core.....

2009-02-18T10:08:00.002+08:00

this bloody economic crisis really hit us hard.... daily newspapers gt news regarding all this econmic stuff, retrenchment, wages cut etc etc.... from here alrdy can see the serious for it.... last yr when this crisis hit sg, my company somehow gt affected as some projects were being cancelled due to this.....

n yest.... my nightmare reached..... i gt my wages cut.... n cut till 25% much.... i'm now left with nth much to survive.... n dun even know i can survive with these anot..... now my pay is like a sales or even less than a sales.... a junior designer pay become a pay which is lesser than wat i shld get.... i gt no idea whether shld i stick with here or not... whole afternoon totally no mood to do work... only staring at the calculator n figure trying to think how am i gonna survive with tat little pay.... only went out with XL they all for a dinner i can forget all these for the moment.... i enjoyed the dinner with them... all the fun n laughter really make me relax from all the bombs, surprises in the office....

but when i reached home, i still gonna face all these problems.... bearing with all these... i nearly break down.... to others all i can do now i just tighten up my belt n spend less..... i know this but with this kind of wage i really dunno how am i gonna work.... less pay but work is double.... in this kind of money makes the world turn situation there is nth so called fair or not..... gt this kind of economic of cos must cut down the expenditure n make full use of all.... but tat does not mean tat my pay can cut till this kind of stage....

now i'm just too lost to think of any.... think i need time to settle down myself n also think for my future....

2009-01-27T18:58:00.002+08:00

hey hey.... is now 2009 le.... is the starting of a brand new yr....... but to me is still the same... the reason for it... nth much had change anyway...... unable to do much stuff even if do wat i got back in return nth but scolding n neglected.....

must i always get control in the stuff i wanna do in my life?

listen to watever stuff they ask me to do,

watever stuff they say is the right thing and the stuff which i wanna say or do is wrong....

sometimes i really wonder is this how my life will goes till the point of my death, it maybe nt right to think these on the second day of cny but sometimes i just can't help to think these..... i try to let go but they will just keep on coming back to haunt me..... they are just forcing me to do the stuff which they dun like at all i know i have to fight for it but i really dunno abt it. To other ppl they think these happened just becos i'm the only daughter or the youngest child in the hse, they are caring for me.... but if u are in my shoe i doubt u will even think it this way.....

or maybe to them i'm just a maid to them anyway.....

just hope that for the rest of the 2009 i will be able survive it..... if nt i think the worst will be here soon.......

2008-12-13T01:15:00.013+08:00

here are the pics of my kukup trip....

the surrounding of the place....
kelong n more kelong....

our first day of lunch

the preparation of BB GUNS

slacking at the foyer

in the mid of reloading

POP POP and some stuff which din
see in sg for some times.....

BEHOLD THE SUPER CONCENTRATED SMOKE BALL

our tea break.... the fry banana
(dun look nice but is taste gd!)

the prawn cracker

aft dinner..... WATER WAR!

(the outdoor gang)

(the indoor gang)

the outdoor gang
(alrdy in the mid of playing and free
washing of floor :X)

the indoor gang
(in the preparation of sabo the out
door gang when the door is going to open
as they plan)

punishment time!
(tom is the only one who is being dry...
so is time for some punishment)

aft war

video of water war

after water war... time for some firework time

this was the only one i found it nice (nt set by us)

(double click it to see more.... mostly all abt firework.... n gt a few of second day video)

aft a nite of crazy activities.... all look shag......

finally a grp photo before we finished our trip...

2008-12-08T19:01:00.005+08:00

heh heh... back from kukup trip.... that place was nt tat bad aft all.... over there i in fact found some stuff which cannot be found at sg anymore n we all enjoy playing with it... especially mari.... who was so excited when he saw those toy guns.... he eventually later used those n go find some target to shoot but later on.... almost all start to get their hands on the guns n start playing with it... n some even look like a terrorist... some also went to play with the bubble balloon... which was quite hard to find in sg..... but till the end i still unable to blow till the target i wnt.... but it was fun.... in the afternoon the gang at the living room decided to watch the dvds which they bought from a dvd seller while we were on the way back to our chalet after our lunch... majority were the ghost related one... but ended up i fell asleep in the mid of the show (hk ghost program) as it was nt scary.... all were just talking n sharing among the host n guests... so i just decided to go back to my room n sleep... till tom came woke me up for tea break.... n after the tea break... we decided to watch another movie (ice n fire dragon) tat was the clearest dvd tat we gt BUT the dragon looks like a stingray to us....

at kukup we also manage to found some explosives like 'pop pop' which was alrdy ban in singapore alrdy... we bought some back to play.... n with some other cracker back too.... but regardless wat... in the mid of playing it... we will nv forget the part where mari decided to those the cracker into the bottle... n fell down while trying to run into the foyer... those at the foyer saw this laughed quite hard.... cos we decided to those those lit explosive into the bottle... but regardless wat... it was still dangerous which lead to mari fell while running back... right after the tea break.... we went back for more dvd again... this time round is the movie (sex drive) quite funny... even though the scene quality was nt tat gd... but at least we can watch this movie till the end... tat movie we watch till halfway n went for the dinner.... just right after the movie.... n we were abt to go out to play with the fire cracker.... water just splashed into the living room... n the nxt moment we realised we were alittle wet.... n this lead to the water war which all did not play for a long long time.... even though we played quite happy.... but there was a small incident which almost spoilt our fun.... but lucky it was being solved... n we get back to our game....

after the water war... is time for our long waited firework time.... in m'sia firework/fire cracker can be bought easily and to most of us this is a new thing to play with... the setting off of the fire cracker is fun.... but at the same time it is also quite dangerous as when we lighted up a fire cracker.... by right it shld be firing into the sky but.... it did not fire into the sky immediately... it created some fire sparks... n those fire sparks eventually fly to our side n the next moment we knew were we alrdy run back into the hse n only came out when it started to fire into the sky.... the fireworks were nice n fun... but all these lasted for half n hr and RM200 just gone like this....

after the water war n the fire work, we were all quite tired and sticky so we all decided to go back to have our bath then carry out our last activity of the day.... "ghost movie session" after all had their bathing.... all were more or less refreshed.... and some were playing mahjong while some were watching the ghost movie... but to our disappointment... when the movie was just abt to go into the story.... the screen started to freeze... we tried on the 3 ghost movie... but ended up all were the same.... so in the end we gt no choice but to watch the local channel..... but lucky.... the midnite movie was a ghost movie.... so we decided to watch this since this is the only movie we can watch.... some went back to the room to get some blankets as it was getting quite cold.... so some were sitting on the sofa with the blankets or some were lying down on the floor with the pillows n blankets..... but after 5 mins all fell asleep together.... when i woke up i discovered tat we all missed out the main story.... so there no pt for us to watch so all decided to go back to their respective room to have a gd sleep......

well the nxt day i woke up at 8am... din really sleep well as the air con was very cold.... but i was just too lazy to adjust the temperature.... so decided to just go wash up myself..... n wanted to go for a morning walk..... to my surprised i was one of the few tat woke up early.... (andy n michael in fact woke up more early than me) i just step out of the hse and the chalet staff came to ask me to take our breakfast... so no choice but to wake them up.... aft my first round of morning call.... only half manage to wake up while the rest still sleeping till the second round of morning call done by magnum which was like army style.... after arnd an hr everyone was then wake up n had their breakfast...... aft the breakfast some went to pack their stuff n some decided to carry on watching the 'hk ghost program' just as the best part is here.... the staff came to inform us regarding our bus will be reaching at 11am to fetch us back to sg... so all gt no choice but to pack up n went out to the market to buy some of the local snacks back to eat.... so we went back right after our lunch and reach sg arnd 1330....

this was my third overseas trip with my friends.... even if this one was quite short but i still enjoyed it...... hope more of this kind of trip will come over.... ^^

(photos will be upload other day as some was nt with me so i'm still in the middle of waiting to receive the photos)

2008-12-05T15:20:00.003+08:00

time flies.... now is alrdy dec.... n tml i'm going to kukup with them... quite looking forward to it.... last 3 wks quite a lot of stuff happened... first is.... my friend edward had already move on to his nxt stage of life.... he gt married on the 15 of nov and just last wk he also had a chinese wedding...

the other time a colleague of mine who know tarrot cards in fact help me to take a look on my love life.... n it turned out tat i still the one who i now liked was still him... i'm quite puzzled... as the tarrot card really quite acturate as from the card she can alrdy tell me his curent situation and it was all so true.... but i sometime i really doubt wat my heart is thinking.... but regardless wat i know tat there is nth possible for me n him.... friends is wat both of us can be....

a mth nv update the blog... actually got quite alot of stuff to write... but now alrdy forgot wat i actually intend to write.... oh well now 2008 left arnd 3wk plus n 2009 will be here le..... so let's look forward to the new yr n hope gd stuff will be here soon....

2008-11-14T14:07:00.002+08:00

manage to find some free time out to update blog alittle..... gt too much stuff i wanna write ... first was last fri i gt food poisoning due to the mac breakfast which later also trigger the fever.... whole wkend is like a diet wk for me.... no mood to eat stuff even seeing my favourite food i also dun feel like eating it.... last sun the first mth of war is fun as my faction was against 16 faction ppl.... 120 mins filled with action... long time nv have this kind of war alrdy, so let's just hope tat this war will last for a mth....

yest nite went to have a steamboat with joe, shane n the gang.... from initial 7 ppl become 13 ppl coming for the steamboat.... quite cramp but quite fun to eat as a grp... but the best thing happended during the steamboat is a auntie did not notice there was a door at the entrance(was a glass door) but she go bang against it.... in my heart i was thinking.. thank god tat i din sat at the place which i sat at the other time... if nt i sure gonna laugh out loud... and right aft the dinner we went to the secret garden which is at waterloo street... the other time they were saying on going to that place for supper but in the end it changed to the hans.... i order their relax tea.... n aft drinking it, it really make me feel so relax..... tat place is quite cosy n cooling... aft a long day of work, go there for a dinner or have a cup of tea will be the best relaxation.....

n today... finish the work which i suppose to handle.... now can slack till the end of the day... yipeee!!!! this wkend is gonna be another happening one to me... =D sooooo looking forward to it....

2008-11-03T19:53:00.002+08:00

a boring n tiring monday.... 5 hrs of sleep is really nt enough for me... especially last nite griffon spawn so late.... ended up it spawned at 150am which i was about to sleep..... quite a number of stuff happened during the wkend... first was the a last min bbq on fri which i only found out on the thurs nite.... n when on fri wanted to find out on the time n the location.... 3 person pointing arrow on each other which i dunno who to ask.... but aft my dinner i then received a sms from them on the location n the time.... n lucky gt jason who was my chauffeur for the nite =D... tat nite we met shane, weihong, jerry,DB, magum uncle and mari at the petrol station before we went to the the bbq place to meet tom n peru, when all alrdy parked their cars n was about to head to the bbq pit.... all stop at magum's car as he was asking them regarding the coupon thing..... initially all do not want to put but ended up all decided to went back to their cars n put coupons prevent from getting a white ticket....

tat nite me n jason left arnd 1240 as he need to work at the nxt day while i also need to get home too.... initially still wanna camp for the griffon but ended up got KO at the moment i was on my bed... n to my surprise, magum said the griffon no need to camp n it will spawn at 6am at the bbq... n the griffon did really spawn at 6am which it was the second/third time that he actually guess the correct time of the griffon will spawn.... (looks like can ask him for some 4D numbers n go buy =X)

just finished watching a spanish movie call "REC" a zombie movie... nt tat scary but the camera view was the one tat make me feel sick.... very soon there will be another movie call "Quarantine" it was a remake of REC, dunno how will it be...

sometimes i really wonder does love really make a person blind from seeing their love ones bad points? all these while i keep on hearing bad stuff abt him.... but i choose to close my ears.... now i alrdy put down my feelings for him and when i hear ppl say stuff bad about him i really wonder wat makes me decided to like him and wat makes him seems to be so special tat i was unable to let go of him at tat point of time.... i wonder did i really choose nt to see or listen n believe all these or all these bad points was alrdy there and yet i'm still deceiving myself that all these dun exist on him at all.... but this matter means no longer impt to me as there is no reason for me to think this qns when i'm alrdy out of it... maybe this is just a lesson for me to learn... n hope i won't make the same mistake on another relationship.....

2008-10-27T22:06:00.002+08:00

yawnZ.... a tiring wkend..... this wkend supposely to be a resting wk for me but dunno y still feeling very tired..... gt a 1/2 day leave on last fri... so i gt fri, sat, sun and mon for me to rest.... which is so gd.... but ended up i still feeling tired..... but anyway.... tml is pay day so i shld be happy.... cos i now left with $5..... as just now went for movie n dinner n supper with shane, magnum, marvin n mari.... the only girl again... we went to watch the high school musical 3.... nt too bad for me..... but the best thing is... our dear magnum uncle... slept in the middle of the movie... n snore.... nth need to much... or shld i say is i alrdy forgt wat i wanted to write.... but nvm i will remember them n update again...

2008-10-20T21:36:00.005+08:00

one wk plus nv update blog le.... last wk was quite frustrated with myself as the so call of me wanted to give up on him but ended up it is still back.... it actually took me some time to really let go.... in fact letting go of the feelings is just to see u really want to do it anot.... i noe tat even if i now say i can let go for it or alrdy let go i noe it will still be back..... but i now decided not to think abt it.... i rather stay to be friends with him.... than to let him find out abt it and make this friendship fade....

oh well thank god i eventually get this clear after two days of emo.... if nt i really dunno how am i gonna survived for the rest of the days..... but lucky during the past few days gt some supper ongoing which allow me to cheer up more..... even though it leads to my mum nagging but i still find it worth it... and the best part is..... the secret of me went to bar and drink was found out by my mum~ but anyway.... she will find it sooner or later... so nvm.... and tat nite when she found out i went to the bar before... i drank at tom's bbq session like 1 hr before i reach home.... =P but tat nite get to see megan n blackie again~ long time nv see them le.... they really welcome me well lor... by licking my legs.... -.- n my legs n shorts were wet due to their licking... as usual tat nite blackie was emo again but this time round he was sick n running arnd the place with a singlet.... tat nite first time see megan so hungry.... she saw me eating a sausage.... and she start to look at my sausage before i start to eat.... even if i wnt to eat but a dog looking at u eating the food they want is super wierd.... but ended up i need to walk arnd the place in order to make it stop following my food.....

but before the bbq i went to my colleague's girl bday and finally get to see natalie~ long time nv see her le lor.... tat time see her which is like arnd 4 mths ago.... now she alrdy 13 mths old le... hair no more spiky.... really looks like a girl girl le.... but the funny thing is..... the fellow who always help us to repair my office aircon, eventually thought natalie was my daughter.... -.-
but when i saw her walk i also laugh.... cos the way she walk is very cute.... and nt forget tat she really love to take pictures.... when i took this picture with her... she keep on staring at the screen until i close my phone she then start to look for other stuff to play... the party i din stay long as after tat i went to the bbq at tom's hse

me n natalie

2008-10-10T15:56:00.002+08:00

felt bored in office so decided to write a blog here....

yest during lunch time went to bugis and also at the same time go to the temple there to pray since all my friends say the lot over there is quite accurate so decided to go there to pray for one for myself.... so ended up wat i got was one gd n one bad.... as usual the bad is for my relationship.... so aft so long on wondering shld i take the right or the left side.... now only left one for me to move on.... the path is clear now.... and time for a pack up of thoughts.....

some ppl thought tat it is nt really impossible for a guy n a gal to only have pure friend relationship.... but it does... even though sometimes ppl mistaken me was dating a guy friend of mine.... but we are just purely friends.... nth much... maybe it is just once which i accidentally hurt this senior of mine.... i just treated him as a senior n as a friend... who will eventually expect him to confess his feeling to me... while i only treated him as my senior and my friend.... maybe tat period of time i was scare so i ran away from the problem... ended up more misunderstanding were make.... n lead to me and him were both troubled.... i know tat if only tat time i just reply him straight away all these problems will be gone.... but i was scared.... no one told me how to handle it... and i got no experience to handle it....

well wat was done had alrdy done... no point to keep on thinking if only i did tat in the past.... now we might not really contact with each other... as aft tat incident i kept my distance away from him and a yr later he alrdy graduated and i din see him anymore.... aft a yr he graduated he somehow contact me again.... but this time round i know how to avoid and prevent any misunderstood happened again.... peace is all i wnt...... at tat point of time i gt this thought of i would rather see myself getting hurt then seeing the ones arnd me to get hurts.... even though it had been yrs since tat incident past... but i know i still nt rdy for it.... even though i had feelings to a guy.... before i know wat i really wnt... i shall just focus on my work n my life... these problems won't just gone within a minutes... time will be the best medicine for it... looking forward to the new day is the only thing we can do to forget all our past..... even if the life lies ahead is tough but all we can do is only move forward and hoping tat we can overcome them n learn from it....

2008-10-08T20:39:00.003+08:00

yest manage to clear off a major project... finally can get to go home on time... no more drag till 7 then go home.... i just hope tat these few days can maintain these.... if nt i surely gonna fall sick again..... and recently in office often got a urge of listen to all emo songs.... this particular song i knew it from a hk drama call driven of life (sui yue feng yun) this song is quite nice and sad....

here is how the lyrics goes:

我对你这一生哪个可比我与你差一些永远一起邂逅时间场地似连场好戏要自何页说起

爱太重深呼吸欠缺空气爱太美轻轻的却载不起爱情来到时候似明媚天气它走了突然骤变雪落雨飞

如果可以恨你全力痛恨你连遇上亦要躲避无非想放下你还是挂念你谁又会及我伤悲前事最怕有人提起就算怎么伸尽手臂我们亦有一些距离

你太远该怎么说对不起你太近一转身却已高飞快乐也许太短似场流星雨一眨眼就如幻爱怕又记起

如果可以恨你全力痛恨你连遇上亦要躲避无非想放下你还是挂念你谁又会及我伤悲前事最怕有人提起就算怎么伸尽手臂我们亦有一些距离

如果可以恨你全力痛恨你连遇上亦要躲避无非要放下你还是挂念你谁又会及我伤悲前事最怕有人提起就算怎么伸尽手臂我们亦有一些距离

我情愿我狠心憎你我还在记忆中找你

even when a couple get together, they will still feel the distance between them... when the love is gone... it is always hard for them to put it down and becos of this love will eventually leads to hate... is it always true tat when a relationship end a couple can never be friends? and must relationship only have one person give in all they had, while the other one dun... from wat i can see now is tat love always make ppl blind... blind from seeing the problem in their relationship, blind from the problems which their love ones make, deaf from ppl saying bad stuff abt ur love one.... it is always the third party who can see it clearly... while me... i can give my friends advice on it... but i'm always blind when i start to have feelings for a guy..... i really wonder when can i really get clear of wat i want, wat i going through and awake of wat i was doing...

2008-10-05T00:08:00.002+08:00

just now even went to eat steamboat with joe.... damn full lor... but we din manage to finish the food... cos is really too much le.... n tat ma la soup... is really spicy lor.... cannot take tat soup...

tat day i just had the thought of putting my feelings to tat friend of mine down..... the nxt day.... he started to step into my life again... must i really always gonna play a fool by them like this.... when i dun want to give up on them they look so distant away from me.... when i give up on them, they start to get near to me. maybe i shld go to the temple at si ma road to ask for my relationship.... this is really getting to nowhere.... tat time at hong kong i went to huang da xian temple to ask.... n it told me tat i will find my one at the second half of 2007... i dunno did i really found one anot... sigh this stuff always so ma fan one.....

btw i just found another song from the web which i find it quite nice.... quite an old song.... but this song lyrics is alittle erm... eh.... (dunno how to describe) maybe after u all listen it then tell me how do u all think ba... =D

2008-09-29T16:28:00.002+08:00

these few days was quite stuck with this song (手放开) which i update on my blog.....

the lyrics in fact make sense to me on this relationship stuff.... what the point of holding something which does not belongs to you and making people around you getting hurt from it....

letting go... it may be a correct thing to do... but also not always right... but as long as i try my best during the process at least i can tell myself tat i alrdy give in my best le... no matter wat's the result it is... i won't regret...

for this time round i decided not to say out as i really dunno how to do or say out to him at all... further more ppl alrdy in a gd relationship... so wat's the point for me to go spoilt it.... i would rather stay with this friendship than spoilt this with my confession to him.... this way it might be a gd way for me, him n his gf...

if i'm going to sacrifice the things which i alrdy have in order to get something that which will never belong to me.... i will think twice before i do it... it will always be wise for all to think twice before doing anything as the price for it may be heavy....

at least for now i did sort out my feelings during the wkend while listening to this song.... (tat's one gd thing which i done =P)

time to get back to my stuff... i will update more once i gt my free time as quite a lot of stuff happened during the wkend....

2008-09-24T21:16:00.002+08:00

hmm... today gt quite alot of surprises... cos today got special guests came to see my blog wor... in the past one esp (ivan) sometime come in see see.... but today joe jason n xiao ping gai came to see wor... nan de nan de.... well today alrdy try my best nt to get emo after tat bad incident... but at the same time i also recall back the past... it may be painful to think back but it also brought back the happy n sweet time in the past... memories also reminds me the mistake i made in the past.... mistake which i should learn from it.... n them... looking back... it is just as if they just pass-by but a pass-by which left me a memories which i can nv forget... it might be short... but at least it is a process of my life... at least i can remembered tat for once i really had my feelings on him before... it just tat we are nt destined to be together... n holding onto something does not belongs to me won't makes me happy.... just like these sentence which i heard from some places,

"love a person is nt to hold on him/her tightly until they lost their freedom.... is to let go when the time is right n let them go pursuit their happiness"
"letting go is also a form of love as you would rather to see him/her to be happy than holding onto it where it will lead to more ppl getting hurt"

my fate is still out there somewhere... waiting for me to go find him.... it is either he is right beside me n i dun even know abt it.... or i will just miss him as i'm just too slow to discover him....

life as a single may be alittle bored... but at least i still gt the freedom to do the stuff i want... even though arnd me some of my friends are attached.... but attached n single got their own pros n cons... is just a matter on how we see it... well i know wat i'm doing... so nth to worry abt it.... work n my personal life is wat i shld focus abt it.... maybe from there i can slowly let go of the stuff which dun belong to me at all...

oh well i shall just stop here n go do my stuff.... will update again when i'm free....

(signing off at 955pm 24/09)

2008-09-24T09:49:00.002+08:00

a very bad day for me on yest....

first of all is the work... as usual being flood with last min work n unable to follow the schedule to complete my work.....

second of all was i gt quite trouble regarding my feelings to tat guy.... aft talking to joe n ivan.... thinking maybe i shld really just let go.... i alrdy know tat with this current situation i cannot get to anyway... sometimes in relationship is really hard to say who is right or wrong.... it is just the point tat the time is nt right.... some times it appear right in front of u without u realising tat it is alrdy there but u will only realise it when u alrdy gt something you had and it is alrdy too late to do anything.... let go is the best solution to prevent anymore ppl from getting hurt.... (to me i think tat i will rather be the one tat get hurted... rather than seeing him getting hurt n other ppl got hurt from it.... i may sound or see silly but this is me myself.... a girl who will always be the one who will take all the pain by herself....)

lastly.... i accidentally broke my dearest eln.... super sad la.... alrdy gt 2dr for it... n was abt to +5 it then something bad pop up... i wnted to put in booster but i dunno wth i was thinking i went to click the +5 n boom! my eln become a chip.... i stun at the screen for 5 sec then realise wat just happened.... sibey sad ah..... T^T... then now all i can do is just to ticket to iah n hope i can get it back..... last nite i alrdy gt a feeling tat something bad will happen... but i nv know tat it is the eln stuff.... now is in a super emo mood.....

just hope today will be a better day for me... T^T

2008-09-19T09:36:00.002+08:00

wat a sleepy morning... yest just broke my OT record... 1030pm then went home... reached home alrdy 11pm n my dinner become my supper.... this wk is a damn busy wk for me.... need to print out tons of stuff n make all the admendments...

but during this wk i also gt this question which in my mind n i alrdy think abt it n even question myself abt it.... wat's my feeling to him anyway... is it love or infaturation? i know him for arnd half a yr to 9 mths like tat.... n also nt always meet him.... but dunno y sometimes he will just appeared in my dream n in my mind out from nowhere... he alrdy had a gf... having feelings on a attached guy... this is nt i want.... think i really must finda time to sort out my feelings on him... i dun want to make another wrong step in the relationship stuff again... just hope tat this time round i can manage to get it clear before i start to do any stuff stupid again...

2008-09-13T11:44:00.002+08:00

haha... so happy.... in ge my faction manage to make a history in game as the first server to down the GHG in sge... but not only my faction... but also with another faction call anything..... a new map which we thought it is impossible for us to go... n now we can... weeeeeee..... this plan of taking down the ghg with anything actually started since sun.... n we tried during the mon.... but last thurs was gd... all of us were high when the hp down quite fast..... but this also lead to another 2 faction which were unhappy with us... n started to do smth funny.... well now just see how this mth in ge will changes... heehee quite looking forward to it in game.....

whereas in work.... just on thurs 1 designer left..... which leads to the workload increase till they find a replacement which i dunno when it will be..... further more tat designer is from philippines and she justed join us like for a mth like this n she left..... when all i can say tat with her arnd our workload actually increased as all the stuff she do actually were wrong n we need to take time to edit it before we can proceed to the nxt one.... n she can just disappeared from her workspace for more than half an hr.... wat she was doing during the half an hr.... no one actually knows.... but since she alrdy left this company... so i shall just forget abt it n focus on my work......

recently my workload increased quite alot due to my company big client gt plenty of restaurants for us to do the renovation works... n here i am.... being ask to come back on sat during my half day leave doing something which i did nt follow up at all.... n i din have a single clue on how the site are.... no one explaining to me on how it works... except for some sketches.....

i really dunno is this the type of project i really want to handle.... before tat while doing the office project... i actually quite happy and i like it.... but now ever since i start to do F&B projects.... i nt really happy at all... and i also can feel tat i can easily get frustrated.... i really dun like this change..... even though my manager told me if i gt some problem to coop with the work i can just tell her abt it... but how can i eventually say it out? all designers are pack with work... there's nth much can be done all i can do now is just REN~...... but i dunno how long can i ren..... this is really too stress...

haix.... think i better quickly clear off the work if nt i work at sat still need to work till so late... this is gonna be a super duper sad wkend for me.....

2008-09-01T22:48:00.002+08:00

starting of the mth le... so fast is alrdy sept... n dec is here soon..... n it is almost half a yr since i started my work at this first company.... so far still ok la... just tat now handling some F&B projects... cannot really digest well.... but hope i can finish this asap so i can start to touch back to my office projects.... i alrdy start to miss them le T^T.....

during these period of time... got thought before of this... even though sometimes what i had in my dream did came true in my real life... but dream in the end still dream... no one will know when these dream will really come true... n who know do human really can forsee the future of our life.... but.... all these is still beyond our control... so is best to wake up ourself from dreams n take a close look at the reality... whether does tat dream comes true... it actually see whether u wanna give it a shot to try anot.... in the past i thinking to design... n i now really become a designer.... just tat dunno is this design path really wat i wanted in the past.... oh well i still young.... still got time to search for it.....

2008-08-18T22:21:00.000+08:00

it was a long, tiring n enjoyable wk for me during my bday.....

last last fri was a day i will nv forget.... y? cos tat was my first drinking trip..... it was nt tat bad after all... got to taste n see all sort of drinks.... tat nite i drank 3 cups myself.... n some mouth of other drinks.... quite fun there... n nt forget the surprise i got from huixin they all on the presents.... but also from there i also get to see how scary ppl can act when they were drunk.... there was this fellow who was seriously drunk... n need his friend to support him to walk to the smoking room.... he just sat down on the floor immediately right when he reach the room... in fact arnd 1am like this.... quite a number of ppl were drunk.... but the best thing abt tat fellow... was... when he got out from the smoking room.... he straight away collapse at the table beside my grp... ended up need kelly's brother in-law to help to get him up... but after tat he did fell down a few more times as the way he walked is like a jelly fish.... n when i left the place.... i saw him sleeping outside the entrance.....

but well with this i at least get to take a look see how this place works.... after tat left me kion, kelly n jenny went back to chalet n slept all the way until 11am (i woke up at 845am to book the bbq pit ) then we went to the escape theme park.... but we went in for arnd 1-2 hrs like this then we gt out from there as the weather was so damn hot..... but at least this time round we get to ride the pirate ship which it was under maintenance at the other time when we came.... this was so much fun than the one we took at hk.....

well of cos at evening was my bday celebration BUT it rain at 5pm while i'm using the internet at the reception area.... but lucky the rain stop arnd 7 plus.... where some get to sit outside n we get to bbq the food outside..... i'm glad tat kelly (lecturer) manage to come as i asked all the lecturers which are closed to me.... but almost all caught up with their stuff n unable to come.... but one of the which i'm sad tat is... my sec sch classmates nt all were able to come... as some were arldy in overseas, some just booked out from their camp... oh well..... as long as they remember my bday i'm happy le....

i was quite tired to dead when i reached home first thing to do is to get my shower.... N OPEN PRESENTS! quite excited to open those presents... n the presents i got... are.... 3 necklace, a bag, a medal (21 yr old medal), perfume, mouse bank, a handbag, a special light blub, jewellery box, a notebook with vouchers (comic connection), john little vouchers n lots of ang baos......

well on the acutal of my bday.... first thing i go back office first thing i was asked to do was to continue my colleague's work as they will be submitting the projects to the client on fri.... so bo bian... need to rush.... but i was quite surprise tat my colleagues eventually gave me another set of presents... guess wat it is.... *drums rolling* a bracelet n a make up set...... but well.... after my acutal bday... nxt two day i was ot like hell.... cos need to complete all these by thurs..... so just chiong ah.....

2008-08-06T01:02:00.003+08:00

counting down to the celebration..... a new stage of life is here.... quite looking forward to it... but at the same time deep inside myself know that there won't be much stuff change.... life still the same after nxt mon... but i today alrdy received two presents.... one was from my colleague.... is a toy.... how does it works i still have no idea yet... will explore it when i'm back in office on monday..... n the other one was a bag from my cousins.... from the design of the bag itself... i alrdy looks quite expensive... further more after tat i go to search for its website... this brand is somehow a BRANDED LOR..... quite shock when i see tat bag... surely cos a bomb for my cousins....

speaking of leave.... i discover smth lor... everytime when i wanted to take leave.... is either the wk before i take leave or days before i take leave... i sure need to ot like hell.... if i din take leave.. most of the time i can just run on the dot lor.... it just seems so wierd...

recently watch this movie red cliff... nt quite bad after all... the songs n the background music are nice.... n i am looking forward to the part 2 for the movie itself.... n i now here writing blog.... camping griffon n listening to the songs from the movie red cliff.... just feel so bored after knowing i alrdy got a wk plus din much vis... sigh... where are u griffon n snake~~~~ n my edc~~~ i left an edc for my musk to complete my set le..... T^T

ok time to go rest le if nt tml no energy to go site.....

2008-08-01T10:39:00.003+08:00

hmm almost a mth since i update my blog.... cos bo bian... busy with work n nxt wk celebration stuff.... then first thing of all... i finally got a MC just last wk like this... n the fees for me to see the doc is almost 100 bucks.... but another half the of fees is becos of another medicine which does nt have anything to do with my cold.... sigh..... so fast hor... alrdy aug liao... my bday coming le muhahahahahhah.......

in this mth quite a lot of stuff happen... both in game n in work.... first i shall take abt the work... first thing... one of my colleague is leaving soon.... quite sad la.... he sat beside me then can somehow say he is my senior.. cos those stuff i dunno i ask him... even though some time he will do funny stuff... but lucky during my poly days alrdy got ppl like him always do funny stuff out from nowhere.... nxt is the sitting arrangement.... my side is the design department n account department which leads to only two male at our side n yest my big boss decided to tat the sales exchange side with the account so as to balance the male n female... but ended up... one of my sales colleagues he was mc today.... right after he moved over... n the best thing is... yest he workstation top hung cabinet... one of the door eventually fall due to the hinge was not properly screwed.... the door all along was ok but.... dunno y it just fall like this.... so ended up we all find tat place which he now sit is C U R S E D.........

in game... i finally got my own ELV muahahhaha damn happy lor... now is left chipping of it... hope i can either get 2dr or 3dr.... but the thing which i hate most is raid drop elite ziz n ELB but i was not there during the raid.... n i miss out like 400m... which i can eventually buy a edc recipe le.... arrrrrr.....

tat time there was this bbq held at qizhii's hse... he hse is big~ n so is his dog~ especially megan..... megan is a she.... even though her size looks like a he... h nt forget tat she is our coolboy's wife... but she betray her 'husband' over a hotdog... N the most happening thing is.... she can just steal a crabstick without us knowing... n peel off the plastic herself n start to eat.... however her scheme was spotted till jerry reported her while she was abt to start eating it.... however tat day... there was so another dog... which was xiao hei (male)... he was so much smaller than megan... but tat nite he was so emo... but tat nite we all enjoyed it much....

tml shall be the day where i start to hunt for my cake... XD so looking forward to eat it... yum yum..... need to get back to work le....

2008-07-07T11:54:00.002+08:00

wee new faction had formed.... n it is called the X° faction.... this faction is a reformed from AM due to the scammer thing.... but mostly were all from recon well anyway... let's hope X° can stay like this....

even though we only have arnd 50 over ppl in faction... but it is gd to see tat 90% of the ppl were online n active for war.... this is a gd sign... even though for the war it din have much actions... but we can get 11 colony within half an hr is alrdy nt bad... especially with all ppl brought at least one diego/angie to build blades which help us to down the colony quite fast..... n there was also smth wrong with the hp itself... as now the hp was more than v2.4.... during 2.4 my hp with the family lvl n the colony buff at most 9k for my ele... but dunno y.... after we gt the colony buff again... my ele hp now become 11k... increase by 2k.... all were quite surprise n started to walk arnd n check each other hp... but well this 2.6 give us many problems anyway so let's just enjoy this gd hp buff n go for raid~

well there was something wierd as i had this dream... i nv dreamt of him for sometimes or i shld say i had nv see him ever since he graduated.... but dunno y last nite i out from no where dream of him... hmm so wierd

another one more mth to go.... looks like this mth is going to be a busy wk for me......

2008-06-30T14:21:00.002+08:00

Ars Moriendi had finally disband on the Sunday morning..... lots of things happen in during the times in Ars Moriendi, the most memorable shld be the first faction in cavaraggio server to down GOL n got our hands on the ELNs... n also trying our best to get into the ice wizard tower to down novia... it has been a gd time in AM... even though ppl in there might have some conflict... but we still manage to stay together in the faction... but in the end becos of the scammer thing the faction need to be reform... sigh.... well let the past be the past ba... no use to keep on talking abt it.... it is time for us to move on n look forward to the nxt new faction... one wk of factionless, no more mass chatting with other faction mates but to wait until sunday when the new faction is formed....

time flies.... so fast alrdy half of 2008 alrdy pass.... n my 21th birthday is coming soon... WHEE.... 21 soon... it seems so fast to me... n huixin niece where is my kbox gathering~ we keep on saying go kbox ended up din go lor... we from start of our work say till now still din go.... sian one... now my kbox illness is getting worst... i really need kbox~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

opps going to time for me to go out for meeting... hee can't wait to see how the project site is now... will update the blog again once i had the time.... CYA

2008-06-26T15:18:00.002+08:00

hmm got quite bored in office while waiting for my perspective to get render out..... so decided to update on blog....

now all seems so peaceful to me... but yest was just not my day... all of a sudden feel sick in office... n dun have any feel to eat at all which ended up i din eat a single thing (except for drinking a cup of hot milo to ease my tummy pain) from 9am all the way till 7pm like this.... a very gd diet for me.....

recently got quite obsess with this korean entertainment show call x-man... quite interesting n it is also an old show... dunno now does this show still ongoing anot.... this show is quite funny it nv fail to make me laugh out loud..... i will nv forget tat episode tat got this fellow call rimario.... whenever he appear i will sure laugh.... cos he is so gay, gross n funny.....

tml my sushi dinner is here muhahahahhahahah..... but i also heard tat there will be some changes to my game faction once again..hmm... dunno true anot... but it doesn't matter much to me anyway... cos when theres changes to it... all i can do i just to adapt to the changes.... all i need to care is to enjoy my training n doing raid to earn vis to get my hand on ZIZ n another BD for my upcoming expert bernelli..... besides buying weapon... i also need to earn vis to buy lvl 100 chips so as in case i can get my ELN for my chibi i got sufficient chip to chip for a +3dr armor to it...

btw those who know me in game n are wondering who is chibi..... chibi is actually my scout who carried a treasure chest wherever he goes.... no one eventually say tat my scout looks like KOG until my faction member CHAOS who spoke this up.. n everyone were like "ya... this scout does looks like kog, i just now thought kog spawn ended up is stale's scout standing there.... " blah blah blah... which ended up i decided to call my scout as CHIBI kog.... as all started to call my scout as CHIBI n whenever they need my scout to buff they will say in faction, "summon the chibi...." quite dotz for me as my scout so handsome... (even though i prefer my musk more) but how can he be kog wor.... kog so erm..... ugly... n my scout so handsome... well till the end i also call my scout as chibi....

besides my faction ppl see my scout as kog.... even other faction ppl also see my scout as kog.... so now my scout is famous as a chibi kog tat runs in town n other places.... which is gd as I OWN A KOG MUAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA..... tat real KOG only can come out in the underground cave every 3 1/2 hr so my KOG is better he can run to all places as he like.... hahahaha

so tat's all i wanted to write here.... maybe i shld post the picture of KOG n my scout n let u all see are they really tat similiar anot....

2008-06-22T16:03:00.004+08:00

i now feeling so emo n sad.... really dunno wat to do.. so just wanna write here in blog to vent out my anger n complaints....

sometimes i just feel tat must i really need to be away.... so i can obtain the peace i want... i dun get the peace i want now at all.... they always love to misunderstand me... i just dunno y.... i just trying to explain to them.. n they will treat as me talking back rudely... i may be use explain to them too loud or wat... but after explaining to them twice n they still think the other way i more or less will feel frustrated n accidentally talk back to them a little loud... further more this thing happen nt once alrdy n i dun see any reason for me to keep on doing it...

they will nv listen to me.... they will nv willingly to hear wat i want to say..... just becos of tat day incident n they wanna treat me this way... be it lor... i alrdy tired of it.... i alrdy tired of admit wrong to stuff which i din do wrong at all... i really scare tat one day i might break down... i really hope this day will nv be here....

they may think tat they treat me fairly... but in fact they did not... n they will nv realise abt it at all ... if my only relaxation they also wanna take away so be it.... take it.... destroy it.... i just at most be a invisible person or be the puppet tat they want me to be....

2008-06-21T10:48:00.003+08:00

wat a wk for me....

last wk went for a bbq dinner... food was quite nice... n it was quite enjoyable as we had a professional chef cook for us n those cook food was quite nice too.. yummy..... just tat we din manage to take a grp photo as some went home early n some came later....

at work... the whole wk i was helping my colleague to rush his projects dwgs n i myself also need to wait for tat supplier to bring the sample down which he delay for 2 days like this which it lead to delay of my work... but nvm... while helping my colleague to rush his dwgs i also learn something in the process....

yest was wan yun's birthday party.... quite quiet for we sec sch grp as only 5 ppl came while the rest were all in NS/overseas hol... so just hope tat on my birthday party they will all be here so we can have a gd gathering.....

there is always a thing which i dun understand IS... do i have to do everything? watever he command do i have to do? i just dun understand it.... watever he do in their eyes he is right... he is more impt... he can be excuse....

wth is this... they will nv care abt my feelings... they themself are wat they care... so as usual i'm the one tat left out... so just let me face the truth tat is i'm just a nobody at here... i shld just stop psychoing myself tat i'm one of them, they care for me too .... ... since u all dun care for my thoughts and u all wanna control my life... GO AHEAD .... just go control my life... n see wat will happen to me...

2008-06-13T11:05:00.003+08:00

hmm long time nv write this blog alrdy.... now look back to my previous post.... it brought me quite alot of memories.. but all i can say now is they were all the past... is time for me to move on...

i now alrdy in the new stage of life n had join the working group for almost 3 mths so more or less had get used to this life...

now my life consists of work, ge, family n friends....work n ge alrdy took up most of my life as i go home first thing to do is ge.... further more some of my friends all not free... sigh.... wat a life i had for now...

i now wanna eat sushi la... yest they go eat without me lor (they got ask me to go... but i alrdy reached when they call me to go so i skip last nite sushi dinner) ... n i now craving for it... >.<

now for ge.. my first target is to expert my mains... musk left 10% to go le.... GAMBATTE~~~~~

next target is to get another expert ele which i dunno i will train anot as i now too lazy to train one stock ele from scratch... arrrrrr

2007-10-20T18:58:00.000+08:00

at this moment i can alrdy see wat will my future be.... not my working life... but my family life instead.... black is all i can see... a separated one is all i can see... in fact now the family tat i have is alrdy starting to be separated... it is just a matter of time for it to happen. In fact i shld alrdy get used to this as this always happened... ever since last yr.... last yr i was really got scare of this... seeing them quarrelling it made my heart pains, seeing them shouting at each other i feel so hopeless and dunno wat to do... hearing them abt bearing with this kind of relationship becos of him, it hurted me more...

HIM is all they care and worry for... i'm just nth to them... they dun care abt me... i'm always an outcast... seeing them or even seeing my relatives, i feel more outcast and as if i dun belong here at all.... what is there left for me to the future... who will still be there for me... in fact when i was in hong kong back then i shld have ask for the future of my family... so i can have a mental preparation of wat to do if that really happen...

Two and a half mth to go... where is that person who will be there for me, care for me? maybe there was just no one there outside for me... i'm just all by myself... all i had was my studies... the stressful studies, my vitual world in game.... this is all i have for now...

wat i can do now... is just to stay numb... and just care for myself and act as if i know nth.... just be the 'nice' one which they always saw in the past... the current me.... is just a dark and evil one who would not care anything abt my family.... all i care is myself.... whether they still care for me or not.... is none of my business.....

2007-03-18T20:10:00.000+08:00

i really feel like jumping down from some building or just disappear from this world.... i really feel like i dun really need to exist in this world, i'm an extra... ... wat's the point for me to continue stay here... where all i got was sadness.... i'll never get things right.... i'm always the one who get left out... all those bad things... i'm always the one to get it first....

it's so frustrating.... i try to think of the positive side... but it just that things always turns out to be at the negative side.... watever i do... they will never believe me.... they always think is my fault... i just dun get it... is this the kind of trust i will get from them? i really wonder wat am i to them? am i a trash, or i'm just some body tat doesn't link to them at all....

in front of me they can say how gd they treat me... but to speak the truth... i can't really feel that.... i just want to get out of there as soon as i can.... i just want to prove it to them i'm not tat kind of person tat they think! they never understand how i feel.... and will neer know wat i want and wat i was thinking.... no matter how well they say they know me ..... i just dun feel tat way....

maybe i dun really belong to there... cos to everyone... i'm not impt at all... i'm no related to them at all... in front of them... i'm invisible.... how i wish tat one day i can just stay in my dream... and i can sleep forever and no need to wake up at all.....

2006-12-29T22:42:00.000+08:00

sian... second time right this post..... dunno wat happen when i upload it the first time....

today is such a tired day and so many stuff happen to me today....

first thing is..... got a sec sch classmate of mine want to treat me for a meal.... hehe

then the second thing is....i slipped and fall down hard on my butt.... and the thing is.... quite a number of ppl saw me fell..... so paisey la..... so many ppl saw.... then the thing is i din saw it when i took tat road and walk into the shop.... and when i took tat same road which i took to walk into the shop..... i stepped on tat canvas and fell.... now my butt is so pain and had a blue-black on my palm.....

the third thing is.... i got this somehow a gd lobang...... which allow me to earn money... easily.... but i know my parents won't allow me to take this opportunity.... and the other thing is.... with currently i'm being push so hard by those projects.... how can i find a day out to do the job? now i'm already half dead.... and i know tat when i in yr3.... i'll be in serious hell..... time.... I WANT 72 HRS FOR A DAY INSTEAD OF 24 HRS A DAY..... if not i will surely go for it..... but then another thing is i somehow hope tat i could concentrate on my studies first..... after i graduate.... i'll then take this job....

but i scare tat it will somehow be too late for me eh...... die la die la..... wat to do..... so 'fan'......

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

2006-12-20T23:36:00.000+08:00

yippe!!! my long waited holiday is finally here..... construction drawing is now out of my worry.... even though the annotation is wrong..... ah!!!! holiday, holiday.... x'mas is finally here.... but i dun quite feel the x'mas mood yet.... this is the second time i dun have the x'mas mood at all....hmmm maybe is becos of my stressful poly life tat makes me feel so lifeless..... haiz......

i want to go shopping... i want my k.... i want to bowl..... but speaking of bowl.... tat mon after submitted my work.... i went bowl with my classmate.... and we eventually play for almost 2hr.... 3 matches.... can make us go numb and tired ...... and all becos of these few days the raining.... make me so sian..... and i have no idea wth is going on with my hse com.... always need to reset the time and the internet history always auto delete.... when all my online novel and comic website are all gone.... (SOBBED) now i need to relocate all these website back which i think will take me some time to do tat .....

beside slacking.... i also need to plan my time well as i need to do my viz and my model in these 3wks.... so... this wk i need to at least start on my viz or render my plan for my model.... so nxt wk i can start on my viz/model.... then last wk when i need to go back to sch for the open hse.... can 'harass' our lecturer for tutorial.... wahaha..... think better dun waste time le.... get back to my slacking time then i'll need to start on my work.....

2006-12-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

bansai!!!! yeah finish all my work le..... yeah!!!!! and here comes my hol.... but SAD AH..... during hol still need to do my rendering and my model.... SOBBED!!!! but at least now i can sleep late late.... and wake up late late.

Now i can finally focus on watching new taiwan drama starring ella from she, wu zun and jiro from fei lun hai.... this drama story eventually came one of the comic which i read before and was also my fav. now thinking tml after submitting my stuff... shld ask them to go out anot.... hmmm..... but i dunno where to go leh.... and i'm going to broke le la.....

speaking of submitting, reminds me of those stupid construction drawing..... especially the display shelf and the details.... those are really freaking me out.... i now there's smth wrong with my annotation but i DUN CARE LE..... my display shelf sux la.... need to really think hard to find way to make it work.... i know currently is not working..... all thanks to tat stupid guide rail and tat catch thing.... (argh) if nt for those my shelf works perfectly.... but there's a danger of dangling here and there like trazan swinging in the jungle.....

really have no idea why did i ever came out with this stupid concept of pulley system for my display..... some times i really wonder.... is this the price to aim for a 'A' for the project?? need to think of design tat is way too hard to do on...... ah!~~~~~ dunno ah... i dun want to think le.... better go sleep.... these few days rush those construction drawings, did not have a gd slp at all and my 'panda' eyes are coming out again.... [ o>.< o]

2006-12-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

jialat.... nxt wk submitting construction drawings.... details nt quite out... then sunday whole day cannot do work.... can faint le la...... then nxt wk still got test for LC.... why before our holiday got so many things to submit???? WHY???? why must torutre us like this leh?

but looking at the brighter side.... my sch hol is coming soon..... can finally rest and slowly do my work le.... and can also go sing and shop and watch movie..... whahaha......so looking forward for the holiday.... but before tat have to just bear with it another wk.... then i'll be free for 3 wks le..... yeah!!!!!!

2006-12-06T09:33:00.000+08:00

sian ah... yest intech lecture is a torture to me..... for this current project.... all those glass detail i can do until i cry le.... now so regret on doing glass staircase..... muillion.... channel.... s.s strut.... omg..... going crazy soon le la.... but also becos of these.... for these few days... i had a very gd sleep.

in the past during the period time of rushing project.... i dun even have a gd sleep..... but now always sleep until i'm lazy to wake up.

recently, i keep having my eyes on guys.... dunno is it becos after he reject me... i start eyeing on other guys.... omg.... all is hx's fault la.... influence me.... and psyco me......

2006-12-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

jialat la.... all those plans and section are freaking me out!!!!!! edit and edit and edit.... this is wat i have been doing for the past few days.... those freaking details.... i dun wanna touch them..... everytime my project will have lots of stuff to detail..... even though i try to uphold my rule when doing project.... but ended the detail thing... is always the one i can't uphold it at all..... argh!!!!!!! still need to suffer for another 1 wk plus.... how am i gonna survive with these!!!!! i dun want to change the plans and sections already le la..... T_T...... i want my holidays..... i want to watch movies..... i want to shopping..... i want my bbq.... i want my chalet.... i want my anime..... i want my comics.... I WANT MY NOVELS......

haiz..... tml still got gems genetic quiz.... and i'm now here writing my blog..... i really digging a grave for myself..... pray tat tml there will be a mircale happen...... if nt.... i sure need to retake my science gems.... and i'm gonna waste another semster on this freaking gems.....

2006-12-02T15:07:00.000+08:00

feel so free now... last wk i finally took up all my courage to tell him my feelings to him. took me so long to gather all my courage to tell him how i feel, but i still think that still worth it as now there will be no need for me to keep thinking abt him. even though he rejected me... i did feel a little sad, but on the other hand i feel quite relieve as i finally hear his answer. now i will really treat him as a friend of mine and maybe will be wat huixin say, it's time for me to look out for other guys out there. but first.... i need to focus on my studies.

2006-08-06T16:07:00.000+08:00

yest go watch the live of superband live..... tat was awesome....

at first thought will be watching at home... who knows tat early in the morning.... my mum told me tat my cousin have the tickets to watch the live superband. i was like... "omg.... watching it live.... great!" when i reached there.... i was a little disappointed as is quite far from the stage... as i can't really see things clear enough but i should be thankful i have the seats to sit down and enjoy the show. during the show, i discover somthing.... that is the whole row where i was sitting eventually is the MLB's fans.... at the moment they start singing or the judges praise them or they won the first round or wat.... they just cheer like hell.... cheer until i also cheer with them too....

at the live.... the atmosphere was so awesome as the sound effects, all those live playing music.... really make me high till the top..... at the moment when they start to eliminate 2 band, and the stage colour activate, my heart pounded so fast.... is even faster than when i was watching at home.... when soul was in.... i'm sad.... cos i was hoping that the final 2 band will be lucify and MLB.... but.... haiz.... having 2 band that play guitar and drums.... the competition will be very interesting as to me a music band show be playing guitar and drums like those j rock....

at the final round.... quite disappointed with both band's performance.... as they did badly than all the other songs they sang.... at the time when the singapore first superband will be out.... all the audience was so nervous tat either they stare at the screen right in front of them or looks towards the stage.... when MLB won.... they whole studio is in chaos when the glow light sticks were threw all over the place.... lots of cheering were on going for them and the stage where they setup for the chair.... were shaking as all the MLB's fans were jumping... even my mum she also cheer.....

this final i can say to be my first live show tat i ever watch.... when there will a second round of superband competition..... i dun dare to say will i watch this live performace again or not.... this have to see wat kind of band will there be.... will there be bands that is better this round's band? who knows.... now just wait and see how will the second round of the superband be

2006-07-26T10:00:00.000+08:00

haiz.... wat a boring wk.... another wk for me to rush my work.....

but lucky my last wkend was quite a gd wkend for me..... sat go see superband.... then still go attend a bbq session with my sec sch friends....

first time go see idol.... a very gd experience.... can see them in real... but must prepare ear plug in future.... cos if nt i'll go deaf..... nic looks so short when i saw him on stage lor... on tv he see so tall... but then....

on tat bbq... thought i won't ask my nyp friends abt his course.... but ended up i still ask.... even if i ask there's still not much difference as he is still yr one while my friends are all yr two....

i really can't understand on wat i'm thinking.... on one moment... i think on him.... on another moment i so hate him that i dun want to think of him at all.... is this wat will happen to me after i like a guy that much and go to deep into it??

just hope tat i and my 'niece' could get out of this trouble soon....